How many times am I allowed to make the same mistake?
One time a had an argument with a friend. The reason? Me, not being very careful with my cellphone, which was not a lie.
I have lost several phones in the past. And the one I currently have, although long-lasting, has had its ups and downs. Mostly downs for the past couple of years.
It has been repaired more times than it probably should, and my friend told me I was just “not careful enough”.
I used to consider myself a very attentive and cautious person, especially with my personal belongings and there I was confronted with another truth.
Past the denial phase, I began to examine the consequences, in case that scenario confirmed to be true. Was I making the same mistake over and over? And if so, how many times was I allowed to do so? Mostly, how could I stop the vicious cycle?
I once heard, from a Buddhist friend, that one of the beliefs of Buddhism is that a person will go through the same “problem”/situation until a lesson is learned.
It took me a while to even notice the repetition of a pattern. At last, I recognized what I was doing and began to hone my mind and senses to identify elements of a situation already lived.
I haven’t mastered it yet and and to be honest, I am far from it. I can say, though, I improved by about 40%.
It is actually one of the reasons why I write because once I materialize thoughts and learnings into words, they become more clear and real.
People always say you are supposed to learn from your mistakes. And at a deeper level, the connotation is that you are supposed to learn fast.
Learning is often not fast, however.
Jesus Christ, when asked about how many times people were to forgive others, answered not only seven, but seventy times seven. If I should forgive others these many times, let alone myself.
To me, it means I am allowed to get it wrong as many times as I want and be forgiven each time and not be judged by anyone.
Logically, it does not seem smart to willingly engage in destructive behaviors just because. On the other hand, it is comforting to know if I do, I should not be shamed by it. Forgiving is a virtue.
I don’t know if you can tell yet, but I am all about personal growth and self-development. Whenever a less ideal situation takes place in my life I want to, at least, learn something from it.
How I am avoiding making the same mistakes more than once
- I analyze the steps that took me to the error in the first place
Many decisions did not seem like a mistake to me at the moment I took them. In fact, based on the knowledge I had at the time, they looked like really good solutions.
Some time and a fair amount of distance from the happening could tell me where I got it wrong.
In the case of my phone, I started noticing myself placing it dangerously in bad compartments or not being mindful of actions done moments before
- I try to be present and realize when the same or very similar situation is taking place
Being mindful is indeed an essential trait to develop which not only helps in the “frivolous” and material world but most definitely in the deep, interior and very conflicting interior one.
Noticing the same elements seen before it is very empowering. Whenever I realize a déjà vu atmosphere, I feel like a sage who holds the knowledge of many domains and who is able to make a wise decision. Which, again, does not always happen.
Finally,
- I take a different course of action (preferably a thoroughly thought one) than I did before
As Albert Einstein would say, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.
What I like to do is watch, ask and read about others who have tried to do the same.
It is in my nature to want to brave the world according to the way I see it, but I find it very helpful and humbling to ask questions and even ask for help when it is needed.
I end today’s article with a quote of the most unrelatable character of Game of Thrones, who became 100% relatable after saying:
“I’m a slow learner, it’s true. But I learn.”
Sansa Stark
Tell me, have you ever thought about this?
Your friend,
Ana Zarb.
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