Back in
2015, I was seating in my car in a parking lot when I saw this woman crossing
the street to go to work. Her outfit reflected her whole confidence and
self-control and for ten seconds I thought about getting the exact same pieces
of clothing.
A thought which was interrupted by this powerful and alleviating insight about self-worth, which Viktor Frankl talked about in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning:
“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.”
Everyone is unique and exclusive. And yes, it is a relief to the soul the fact I do not have to be like someone else just because I never will.
At the same
time, this thinking inundates me with responsibility for my own life. Every
single aspect of it. And it makes all the difference.
There are also two certainties that come with it: ONE) I’m supposed to feel grateful for what I am and to the fact no one else can be like me and whatever I have to offer to the world only I can offer. TWO) I feel like there’s not much space for envy of others and self-pity since I can never be anyone else, but me.
And that takes
me to responsibility: If I cannot be like anyone else, I am supposed to find my
own self and this search for my path, for myself essentially, is my
responsibility.
By
acknowledging my uniqueness, I find my meaning, my “niche” and in a way it is
very freeing, especially considering the competitive world we live in.
It gives me
peace to tap into my true self, accept it and love it and from doing that comes
so many good things.
Frankl ends his book with one of the greatest insights I have ever stumbled across:
“This emphasis on responsibleness is reflected in the categorical imperative of logotherapy, which is: Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!”
Taking responsibility to another level
I,
personally, take this responsible thinking to a much higher instance.
The way the world and people affect me it is my responsibility and consequently, it is my job to deal with it. After all, I will only have myself to hold accountable.
What Frankl argues is that the way to handle this “burden”, that comes with the responsibility, is to give it meaning. Even pain and suffering have meaning.
“In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”
So, my pain
and suffering are also mine to take care of. Likewise, for everyone. Therefore,
for me, it seems unfitting the blaming game.
This reminds me of a person I met during travels who had a hard time accepting this responsibility. Talking to her, I could feel the bitterness that surrounded her.
Because the aftermath of blaming the world is having a never-ending half-lived life. The world does not owe anybody a thing and if individuals don’t take action for themselves, no one will.
A note about Logotherapy
The school of psychotherapy fathered by Frankl, Logotherapy, is very inspirational to me. I thought about his words innumerous times this year. I tried to understand myself by this point of view. I highly recommend the study of it.
“Logotherapy tries to make the patient fully aware of his own responsibleness”
Lastly, I
will say that it might seem very daunting and overwhelming to face all this weight
and “the feeling of the whole world”, as said the Brazilian poet, Carlos
Drummond de Andrade.
But, as
humans going through the same experience, we can choose the empathy approach,
as well.
“Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him.”
It is not
easy. But again, it is our responsibility.
What do you
think of all this? Are you ready to hold your life in your own hands? Let me
know!
I began my 2020 two months ago, so when the new year do come, I am already in full motion. Or so I hope.
This
decision comes from a feeling of disappointment and frustration for not feeling
completely accomplished at the end of most years.
In 2013, I wrote this piece in Portuguese about how I was not going to do any resolutions for that year, other than being a good person in general.
Today, I understand
it is better to have a plan than to let the year, my life, pass by and being
only the spectator of it.
In 2019, I
read some books and heard many people which have really influenced this shift of
mentality about new year’s resolutions. One of the main books I felt too lucky
to have found was The Artist Way, by Julia Cameron.
Out of the many,
many things you can learn from Cameron in that book, I found that the most
important is the compromise you must have with yourself and with the things you
want in life.
No other
person can be as enthusiastic about your dreams and hopes than yourself. And
you’re the one who should commit with the vision and the values of the life you
want.
Two other
books had also impacted me, greatly: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by
Carol Dweck and, of course, Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl.
My Plans
for 2020
Having said
all that, I started planning how my 2020 is supposed to unfold. My keyword of
the year will be consistency.
At first, I
wanted to get involved in numerous projects, however I realized it is better to
commit consistently to just a few.
The main project: to read a book per week. That means reading 53 books in 2020. Because it is a leap year. [EDIT (20/06/20): Actually I’lll be reading only 52 books. I didn’t realize as I was writing a leap year would grant me just another day and not another week.]
I picked
this challenge specifically to practice my consistency.
I love
reading and I cannot pass on a good challenge. There’s also the added pressure
of making that a consistent habit. The aftermath is an imperative growth.
I will
document this reading journey on my Instagram account (www.instagram.com/catchthecatch), where I’m planning to make short
video resumes and reviews and hopefully discuss with everyone who wants to,
about the book of the week.
Another goal
will be to write a piece for this blog every week. Also, because I’m passionate
about writing and I want to improve it. I would like to post something new
every Monday, which is my second favorite day of the week.
The 3
reasons why I am talking about it
I want to be held accountable by whoever read these articles I write. I want people to be a pain in my a**. But, hopefully, it is not too painful haha…
It is also to say that if you do have things you want to get done, start planning and doing it now. So, it does not feel as such a burden to begin next year.
Lastly, I would like to invite everyone to do the reading challenge with me. We can share tips, book suggestions, feelings and all. All to be done I guess it’s via Instagram.
About
the reading challenge
Right now,
I have a list of 27 books.
Who would
have thought it would be so hard to choose 53 books to read.
I’m trying
to mix genres, authors from different nationalities and continents, from
different gender, from different colors… Just trying to get a better view of
the world.
Also, I’m trying to avoid the self-help/personal development style. I feel too tempted try out everything it says. That takes time and I must be efficient in order to read this much.
So far, my list includes authors
such as George Orwell, Vinícius de Moraes,
Aldous Huxley, Lev Tolstoy, Yuval Noah Harari, Michelle Obama, Darcy Ribeiro,
Hermann Hesse, Martin Luther King Jr., Mario Vargas Llosa and many others,
naturally.
I will not define
this far ahead the order of reading. I probably will mix the long books with
the short ones, in order for it to be less tiring and actually doable. Again,
consistency is key.
So, bring it on
2020. I believe you are going to be wonderful.
Once again, if you would like to follow this journey or join me, make sure to follow me on Instagram at @catchthecatch.
I stumbled across this quote when reading Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist Way:
“Question: Do you know how old I’ll be by the time I learn to play the piano?
Answer: The same age you will if you don’t.”
It is simple. But it made me realize how easy it is to avoid the process at all costs.
For instance, when I start reading a new book, the first concern I have is: “Oh, this is going to take time, should I really do it?”.
By the time
I get to the middle of it, I think: “Well, it’s not that bad and I’m actually
learning something”.
As I
approach the end, I try to speed it up and get done with it. And when it is
finally over, I feel super accomplished.
Then I proceed to start a new book and the same cycle happens again. And again, and again. Until I decided to understand it.
That pain
of having to start something and the knowing you will have to continue will
never be mastered until we fully get a good grasp of the process.
After
comprehending it, it is much easier to identify where you are in it and enjoy
it.
Let’s be honest the majority of our lives will probably be spent in the middle of the book because it is the longest part. And even when we finish with one particular book, there will be others.
So, the sooner we accept that the beginning is hard as the end is quick, the more we can learn to have fun in the middle, in the process.
“We like to focus on having learned a skill or having made an artwork. This attention to final form ignores the fact that creativity lies not in the done, but in doing.”
Julia Cameron
It’s much more comfortable to look at the big picture and realize it takes time and conclude you would be a fool for even trying than to take the baby steps in order to make it there.
I spent a
lot of time this year, trying to master the pain of starting and continuing
something. Trying to accept the process and be friends with it. Letting it be
my teacher.
I tell you, it’s much more pleasant than making it your enemy.
“Focused on process, our creative life retains a sense of adventure. Focused on product the same creative life can feel foolish or barren.”
Julia Cameron
The good news is process produces results over time. Even though I love this idea, I admit it: it’s hard to put it to action, sometimes. That’s why I always try to observe real-life small progress and see how I have acquired them.
I wrote once about adulting in this article, and how it was so impressive that parents just know things. Their knowledge comes from a life of successive “trial & error” situations.
Recently, I realized that I, too, gained some of this form of expertise. I can now say that I know how to make good rice in 98% of the time.
As unimportant of an event, this might sound as, to me, it made me realized that I “mastered” something I kept working on for a long time until I finally got it right. And that got me even more confident about the process.
We are on the verge of a new year and we may think that there’s nothing to do with this year anymore, but that is not true, because it is all process. Life is process.
Start now
or start next year, it will probably take you the same amount of time. Start
now, though, and you will make it there sooner.
It’s been a long time, months maybe, since I have been wanting to write about family. I do not intend to get in the specifics and polemics of what is a family, who composes it and so and so forth. Rather, I would like to talk about the influence of the family in our overall development. To do that, I will tell three stories you may not know related to three completely different individuals: the American singer and “Piano Man”, Billy Joel; an American fitness youtuber called Mari and a common Brazilian girl, a.k.a. myself.
One of my all-time favorite songs is called Vienna, by Billy Joel. What I like the most about it is how it was originated and, of course, its general meaning. When Joel was around the age of eight, his father separated from his mother and moved to Europe. 15 or 16 years later, after having to track his dad down, he arranged a meeting with him in Vienna. As they are strolling around the Austrian city, Billy sees an old lady sweeping the streets and, in shock, inquired how could that poor old woman be doing “heavy” work at such an advanced age. His father then explained to the twentyish and full-energy son that that lady still had a part to play in society, despite her elderliness. Joel was baffled by the concept of life “not-ending” after its first three or four decades and that completely shifted and shaped his perspective on how he should, would or could approach his professional career as a musician, as well as inspired him to write the song.
A little bit about the story of how “Vienna” was written.
(more…)
I saw a video the other day saying when you are an adult and live by yourself you do not have your parents to say when to wake up, what and when you eat, to tell you to do homework or brush your teeth. You also have to be the one who celebrates your little everyday accomplishments and pats yourself on the back when things did not go as planned. Basically, being an adult is like being your own parent.
In a way, this is exciting, right? More power and control?
Yeah, not really! I mean it’s a bit tiring. I honestly don’t know how parents do it. Because they have to be their own parents, parents of their children and sometimes parents of their parents. And talking about parents, you know when they tell you not to do something because it’s going to go wrong, but you do it anyway and it goes wrong, and you wonder: ‘wow! How did they know?’
Well, I now know how and I’m here to share the secret.
The other day I went grocery shopping for the week. I bought a bunch of healthy stuff such as chips, chocolate, chocolate cereal, chocolate cookies, chocolate biscuits, chocolate doughnuts… You get the spirit, right? I was on a chocolate spree. I thought to myself: ‘these are all snacks for the week, which I will divide equally by day and time of the day and it’s going to be amazing!’
As you can guess, it was not amazing.
The “snacks” lasted 3 days tops and I had no food for actual lunch and dinner. Moral of the story I had to go to the supermarket again. To be honest, that is not the moral of the story, I will get to that. These grocery episodes did happen more than once, I have to tell you. In fact, more than twice or three times. Until one week I actually got it right. I was so surprised I made it to supermarket day (usually Saturdays) and I still had food to have breakfast that morning.
I smiled and said ‘good job, Ana! You did good this week! Good on ya…’. Another part of adulting is that you talk a lot by yourself. It actually makes me laugh as I write because my mom used to and still do talk by herself frequently and when I was younger, I never quite understood the reasons. Now everything makes sense and world is one again.
Now, onto the parents’ 6th sense secret.
The truth is repetition sort of brings that experience knowledge no one else can give to you. I did have to go under the same problem a few times to figure out what and how much I eat throughout the week as well as how much I should eat. And it was a type of expertise I never really had to master being in a controlled environment like home.
Parents know this stuff because they have been over the same thing enough times to have a good idea of what is going to happen. Like, for instance, how you should buy more than one soap bar because there’s a chance the soap will end in the middle of the week and you will have to stop at the supermarket just to buy soap and will end up buying something you did not want to buy, like, per say, a chocolate croissant.
I did learn this returning home from a grocery shopping day really proud of what I had bought and thinking how I was becoming so smart. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Creating new habits and sticking to them is definitely one way to learn. And this can be applied to many things. For instance, our personal projects and goals. Or whatever really. When you constantly work on something, improvement is imperative.
I’m happy to be getting there, slow and steady, but surely.
Now, the real moral of the story is: I strongly dislike grocery shopping.
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